Man Badly Beaten, Left for Dead in Alleyway After Incorrectly Displaying LEGO Lightsaber

A Melbourne man in his early twenties has been rushed to hospital on Sunday evening after being beaten and left for dead in an alleyway in Dandenong South. Witnesses in the area were shocked at the attack, which occurred in broad daylight. However, a report from Victoria Police has shed more light on the incident, which was allegedly sparked by the "victim" when speaking to his friends.

A spokesperson for Dandenong Police Station said the following: "Yesterday a man was brutally assaulted and left for dead in an alleyway following a heated argument between himself and his friends. On first glance the perpetrators of the assault appeared to be in the wrong, however, after further investigation the Victoria Police have determined that the victim was actually at fault. Our hearts go out to those involved in assaulting the man; having a close friend display his LEGO lightsabers with the blade inserted in the wrong side of the hilt must have inflicted a terrible pain on their eyes and our hearts go out to them. Our thoughts and prayers are with the perpetrators at this time."

Instructions showing both the incorrect and correct method of building a LEGO lightsaber. The victim of the assault reportedly built all his lightsabers incorrectly and displayed them in his home. Image source: Grand Theft Auto News on Twitter.

Doctors and nurses at Dandenong Hospital were reluctant to treat the man for his injuries after learning that he was incorrectly displaying his LEGO lightsabers. The man is in a stable condition at this time. More to come.

The above article is an April Fools joke, and no persons were actually harmed. This article is fictitious and not based on any real-life events.